A Home Run for Family Engagement

When my son was five years old, he played tee ball. This is beginners' baseball, where the kids hit the ball off a tee rather than risk facing a kindergarten pitcher's curve balls.

Our son practiced for his debut with his brothers in our back yard. He focused on keeping his eye on the ball, maintaining the correct angle of the bat, stepping forward at the precise moment before making contact. Let's just say he's a gifted artist rather than a natural athlete, and we appreciated his willingness to give this a try.

On the big day of the first game, he came up to bat, swung and missed a couple of times. And then, finally - WHAM! The ball soared over the first baseman's head and into right field! He seemed as surprised as his father and I that he hit the thing, and when the shock wore off, he ran full speed to first base. The coach waved him on while the other team scrambled to pick up the ball. As soon as he got to second base, we all yelled, "Keep going!" And he did - but instead of turning towards third base, he continued straight into left field.

Here's what we realized, as his teammates and coaches tried to stop him before he ran all the way back to our house: He didn't know where third base was or how to get there from second. We spent a lot of time on the mechanics of hitting the ball. We forgot to prepare him for what to do after he hit it. 

This happens in synagogues, too. Loads of institutional energy and resources are put into writing strategic plans, but they may sit on the shelf, (next to two or three previously written ones), because no one is able to implement them. Much thought and care is often put into assembling a rabbinic search committee, but the new rabbi struggles in the critical first year because a transition team is not put into place to help him or her succeed.

Over the next four years, 61 Conservative kehillot (communities) will get a chance to hit a home run with more than 10,000 young families as they offer the gift of Jewish books every month through PJ Library. This is a unique opportunity. Most of the million PJ Library subscriptions so far have been provided through organizational venues like Jewish Federations and Jewish Community Centers, but not synagogues. According to research by the Harold Grinspoon Foundation, about half of the young families will be unaffiliated. The PJ Library program gives our synagogue communities a direct line of communication with young families, but they need to be able to get past first base.

Through our pilot PJ Library program with 33 New York area kehillot, called ReadNY!, we found that in some congregations, publicizing the opportunity and signing up families was as easy as learning how to keep your eye on the ball. But moving beyond that requires more planning and continual work. The “champions” for engaging young families need to be identified, and assigned the responsibility to reach out and sustain relationships in addition to designing programs that are the right match for what the families need.

Volunteers and professionals alike are not necessarily naturals at outreach and engagement, so they need help building the habits of relational thinking, and looking for moments with relational potential, whether it’s through excellent formal programming or during informal moments.

For these reasons, we’re setting in place the staff and structure to create the USCJ-PJ Family Engagement Network. The Network will bring together the professionals and volunteers whose focus will be engaging young families in their communities, beginning with those who enter the door through PJ Library. They'll receive resources from PJ Library, and special consultation, networking and services from United Synagogue's family engagement and early childhood staff. A special interfaith family network, InterAction, will begin meeting in a few weeks. We expect that what both networks learn and share will help all of our kehillot round the bases of family engagement.

Watch for upcoming newsletters and webinars, and the introduction in February of our new PJ Library Coordinator, Amy Schwartz, as she begins to help kehillot across the continent get to first base offering PJ Library books to children in their communities. 

For more information about the USCJ-PJ Family Engagement Network, contact our Family Engagement Specialist, Rabbi Cara Weinstein Rosenthal. For advice and consultation about early childhood engagement, contact our Early Childhood Consultant, Maxine Handelman. 

The Divine Proportion in Kehilla

Fibonacci numbers are easy to understand, even for those of us who liked tests that allowed subjective, (preferably anecdotal), essay answers. 

The concept is simple: Each number in a Fibonacci sequence equals the sum of the two numbers preceding it. Here's a basic Fibonacci sequence:

0    1    1    2    3    5    8    13    21    34   55    89 ....  etc.

Calculate the numbers like this:  

0+1=1; 1+1=2; 1+2=3; 2+3=5; 3+5=8; 5+8=13; 8+13=21... 

Get it?

And here is the elegant part. The ratio between two adjacent numbers always equals approximately 1.6. The higher you go in the sequence, the closer to 1.6 you get. Called the Golden Ratio, Divine Ratio, or Divine Proportion, it is an important calculation for mathematicians and architects, and an almost mystical number to artists and observers of the natural world. You can find it everywhere, from the Parthenon to picture frames, insect carapaces to sunflowers. Our subjective opinion about what is beautiful, whether it's a Maserati or a human face, usually involves a ratio of 1.6, when we objectively measure their longest and shortest components. 

Spatially, the golden ratio can look like this:

Which is why we can see the golden ratio in the Parthenon:

And a seashell:

Dr. Adrian Bejan, from Duke University, recently explained why the golden ratio is so prevalent in what we create and value. It has to do with being the easiest proportions for our brains to translate as we make sense of the visual world. Regardless of its origin, once you're aware of the golden ratio, it's hard to stop seeing it around you.

I see it in our synagogues, beginning with our buildings. The main space inside of our synagogues is usually partitioned into a large sanctuary with an entrance foyer, a chapel, and small offices. A synagogue's building plan might look like this spatial depiction of the golden ratio from above, (without the numbers). 

And there's more. Not just in the architecture of the buildings, I see the 1.6 ratio embedded in synagogue budgets and operations. 

• For every 5 professionals your synagogue needs, your budget probably only allows you to hire 3 people. Although I love to make things up, I'm not stretching the truth on this. United Synagogue's 2013 salary survey, with responses from 139 synagogues, showed that in mid-sized congregations, staff costs represent 50% or less of the total synagogue budget. Typical non-profits try to keep staff costs at 80% of the budget. What's the ratio between those numbers? (Hint: 80/50 = 1.6)

• More from the salary survey: The average cost per member was at least $1,000 more than what membership dues brought in. Yes, you guessed it - the ratio comes out to about 1.6. 

• I'll ask the executive directors to help me with the research on this last one about fundraising. My hypothesis is that the number of members who donate to a High Holiday appeal, compared to the total number of members, is a Fibonacci number. So if your congregation has 377 member households, 233 will donate. With 610 member households, 377 will donate. Please feel free to get back to me on this.

These downward numbers aren't too divine. Where are the positive numbers? 

A kehilla is a sacred community. It's the "sacred" in sacred community that puts the "divine" in the divine proportion. For example, we know that a congregation may have trouble sustaining a minyan for prayer twice a day, but if there is a death and someone needs to say kaddish, 13 people will show up for every 8 calls that are made. 

Although it may not be exactly a ratio of 1.6, here are other ways I recently saw the divine proportion in our kehillot: 

• Communities that launch Shabbat dinner initiatives, like Share Shabbat at Temple Beth Hillel/Beth El in Wynnewood, PA, Guess Who's Coming to Shabbas? at Temple Sinai in Dresher, PA, and 613+ Shabbat Dinners at Beth Am, Baltimore, MD, can see an increase in the number of dinners, hosts, relationships and observance of Shabbat over time. 

• Jessie’s Community Gardens, a project that began in memory of Jessica Lynn Kostin, with support by the Jewish Federation of West Hartford, has grown since 2010 to nine gardens. Beth El Temple of West Hartford, the site of one of the gardens, was given a United Synagogue Solomon Schechter Centennial Award and described its impact on their community: "The sense of community extends beyond the people directly involved in JCG. The entire congregation reacts with a sense of pride and connection when pictures of the garden are posted on the Beth El website and we announce results of how much was grown and delivered to different food banks. Once or twice a season we use a part of the harvest for the congregational Shabbat luncheon. These luncheons create a true sense of sacred community as people enjoy the literal fruits of our labor..." 

• A simple idea – to bring together a few people who love to knit – has grown over eight years to more than 60 people who have given 10,000 hand-knitted items to people in need. The divine proportion from Mitzvah Knitters at Shaar Shalom Synagogue in Thornhill, ON, according to Janice Schachter, synagogue president and knitting guru, is this: “Our elderly participants renew their spirit as they become mentors to those just beginning their new journey, and feel useful once again as they are able to make a difference in so many lives at this later stage of their lives.”

• United Synagogue's Sulam for Emerging Leaders program re-builds the pipeline of new leadership. An independent evaluation in 2013 by Dr. Steven Cohen and Dr. Ezra Kopelowicz, showed that 80% of participants reported positive relationships and increased commitment to the community because of engagement in the program. More than half (52%) stepped immediately into leadership positions - taking on projects, committee work, or a role on the board. (80%/52% ~ 1.6!)

Where do you see the divine proportion in your kehilla?

The Top Ten Best How-To's to Make Your Synagogue Stand Out

Did I get your attention with the title of this blog post? I meant to.

The most interesting job of my nearly 40-year career was not in the Jewish community. It was as an ad copy writer for a niche magazine in the 1990's, distributed expressly for self-published book authors to get their names in front of radio and tv talk show producers, with the hope of getting some on-air interview time.

Every week, I was sent a box of books by unknown and un-notable authors. It was my choice if I wanted to read them, but, at the least, I was required to interview each author so that I could transform the crux of their interesting, mundane or totally whacko ideas into a pithy advertisement about their books. I loved talking to people who invested extraordinary amounts of time and money so their voices could be heard on topics that ranged from aphrodisiacs to the autobiography of a Wiccan High Priestess, (my hands down favorite interviewee, who had to interrupt our conversation for a meeting with a shaman so they could speak to the dead).

The key to every ad, though, was not the copy itself. It was the headline. My editor's formula, (reflecting guiding principles still used today), was that it had to contain a "top ten (or other number)", a "best of," a "how-to", a warning or a promise.

A punchy headline had to say it quickly and concisely, but it didn't have to make one ad stand out from the other 599 in a 100-page magazine. Rather, our goal was to make each headline catch the eye of the producers who would be attracted to a particular author's content. My ad for the biography of the Wiccan High Priestess didn't need to get the attention of the producers of health and exercise radio shows, but the headlines about the books on diets, insomnia, menopause, exercise, and sex did. (Actually, any book about sex caught every producer's eye.)

With my professional focus for the last 15 years on the Jewish community, I see headlines or tag lines emerging on websites as synagogues begin to understand and implement branding strategies. This is a great idea. I hope this happens more. Thoughtful branding requires research and introspection about a synagogue's vision, aspirations and mission. The best tag lines give an instant message that inspires and invites, but is also a true reflection of the community.

I am not a communications specialist, and wouldn't expect anyone to trust my advice on crafting tag lines. Instead, I am an avid observer of language and process, and I can see similarities and differences in the tag lines I found as I looked at about a hundred synagogue websites recently. Some, but not all, clearly follow the guiding principles of tag lines, generating the language of best-of, how-to or a promise about the future.  

So, in the spirit of my former profession as a copy writer, here are my top five, (ten would tedious), things to think about as you create a tag line for your kehilla, (community):

1. Re-think denominational labeling. Although United Synagogue really, really appreciates the shout out, your tag line, "A member of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism," will probably need updating. Studies abound telling us that the generations we wish to attract into our communities are just not interested in denominational labels or organizational affiliation. The same goes for "egalitarian" and "non-egalitarian" language. Some tag lines now describe the experience of Conservative Judaism, rather than the practice, like this:

• Moving forward with tradition, Bet Shira Congregation, Miami, FL
• Where Tradition Meets Change, Temple Israel of Great Neck, Great Neck, NY 
• A warm approach to tradition where everyone counts, Hewlett East Rockaway Jewish Center, East Rockaway, NY 

2. Know Yourself, (Level One). Some tag lines seem to look from the outside in. They're a communal Google map with a zoom-in capability to give a picture of the landscape. These tag lines describe where a congregation is planted or what you'll find once you enter into the community:

• Your Jewish Home in Colorado Springs, Temple Shalom, Colorado Springs, CO 
• Western Connecticut's Oldest Synagogue, Congregation B'nai Israel, Danbury, CT
• Creating Chai: 18 Years and Growing, Midbar Kodesh, Henderson, NV
• Large enough to serve you; Small enough to know you, Peninsula Sinai Congregation, Foster City, CA
• Big enough to enrich you. Small enough to know you, Congregation Beth Ahm, West Bloomfield, MI
• Where every member counts and every voice is heard," Congregation Rodef Shalom, Denver, CO
• The Center of Our Jewish Lives, Westchester Jewish Center, Mamaroneck, NY  
• A Congregation of Friends, Temple Reyim, Newton, MA
• Welcome home, where you belong, North Suburban Synagogue Beth El, Highland Park, IL
• A community of innovation, diversity and joy. A synagogue you can call home. Temple of Aaron, St. Paul, MN
• A Family Place; A Spiritual Home, Temple Beth Ahm, Aberdeen, NJ 

3. Know yourself, (Level Two). If you know your members' aspirations and needs, your tag line can promise to help. If your tag line matches what you know about who they would like to become, it may inspire not only your own members, but others seeking the same accompaniment on that journey. Here are examples:

• Come Grow With Us, Congregation Beth Tikvah, Marlton, NJ  
• Illuminate the light from within, Congregation Or Hadash, Sandy Springs, GA 
• Your Jewish Community is Waiting for You, Highland Park Conservative Jewish Temple, Highland Park, NJ 
• Learn, Pray, Participate, Connect, Or Zarua, New York, NY 

If you want to know more about the needs of your community, United Synagogue's Sulam for Strategic Planners program has resources on surveying and focus groups. You can start learning about it this week, by joining in on the webinar, What's On The Minds of Your Members?, on Tuesday, January 14.

4. Know yourself, (Level Three). Have a vision for your community and a mission statement before crafting a tag line. That's because the work involved in creating vision and mission statements, if done well, will generate language and energy for a tag line. 

Tag lines that reflect a vision of community will elevate your perspective, have future-oriented language, or start with a verb, and might look like this:

• More than a synagogue, a sacred community," Adath Jeshurun, Minnetonka, MN
• From Generation to Generation, Together We Grow, Beth Shalom Congregation, Frederick, MD
• Be inspired; Be Connected; Belong, Beth Hillel Congregation B'nai Emunah, Wilmette, IL
• At Sinai, we connect people to Judaism, each other, Israel, and the world, Congregation Sinai, San Jose, CA 
• We practice radical hospitality!  Congregation Shirat HaYam, Swampscott, MA
• Building Community & Commitment, Town & Village Synagogue, New York, NY
• Adding Meaning to Life, Valley Beth Shalom, Encino, CA
• For all the days of your life, Anshe Emet, Chicago, IL 
• Moving our members closer to G-d, Congregation Etz Hadar, Redlands, CA

If you need help to create vision and mission statements, or want to review your current one, start here, and call your United Synagogue Kehillla Relationship Manager about using our Sulam for Current Leaders workshop on vision/mission.

5. The number one, best place to start is...anywhere. The process of creating a tag line involves reflection, taking the pulse of your members and the greater community, activating professional or volunteer energy, reviewing your current branding strategies, (especially if "branding" doesn't exist for you yet), maybe even changing your website or creating new printed materials. In the best of processes, starting with any of those objectives will incorporate all of the others. Even if you don't create a tag line, the process of reflection and review is healthy. Start somewhere. 

Does your kehilla have a tag line? Share it with others in the comments section!

Relational Thinking

On Facebook's algorithmic Year in Review feature, one theme repeated throughout my 2013 highlights: Gathering. Family reunions and celebrations in my personal life punctuated a full calendar of professional workshops and retreats. United Synagogue's Centennial Celebration in October was both the backdrop and the main stage for the largest gathering of my year as I spent five days with about 1,200 people.

Three moments in 2013 were not in my top 20 Facebook highlights.

Moment #1: At the end of services on a Shabbat morning at Congregation Beth Judah, Rabbi Aaron Gaber asked everyone to turn to someone sitting near them who they don't know, introduce themselves, and say one thing that they're grateful for. Here's what happened to me: I turned to the man next to me, told him my name and probably said something about being grateful for the nice weather...I can't remember. When it was his turn, he didn't tell me his name. He simply said, "It's hard for me to say something that I'm grateful for this week. I lost a dear friend. I can't think of anything else." 

As he finished his sentence, the congregation began singing Adon Olam. The man stood up and walked out of the sanctuary. Not able to ignore a painful statement, I found a Beth Judah board member and shared what was said to me. The board member found him, asked what happened and how the congregation might help.

Moment #2: One of my "shul friends" sighed as she sat down next to me one Saturday morning after they brought the Torah out at services. "I just moved my father yesterday to assisted living," she said. "He hasn't called me yet this morning. I'm so worried about him, but I know that I can't hover over him every minute." For the next half hour, I didn't hear the Torah chanted, or worry about getting looks from people sitting near us about our whispering, as I listened to her re-tell the story of her life-changing week with her father.

Moment #3: During breakfast with some friends, our conversation meandered to how to engage Jewish baby boomers. Their question to me: "What programs will get baby boomers engaged in synagogue life?" My question to them: "How can we make relationships instead of programs?" 

What followed was a rich and exciting reversal of our usual brainstorming session about whether or not travel to Cuba vs. Eastern Europe will attract people, and instead to this conversation:  

Friend #1: As a child of Holocaust survivors, I have always wished I could talk with other people with families similar to mine. Especially now that our parents have passed, and we're becoming grandparents. We're not the children anymore. 

Me: Do you know who else in the congregation is like you? 

Friend #2: Sure she does. She always asks them to help her plan our Holocaust Remembrance Day program. 

Friend #1: It's getting harder and harder to do that, to get people interested in helping with or coming to the program. That's really disappointing.

Me: What if you invited them over to your house, not to plan a program, but to talk to each other about what life is like now that you are not the children anymore? 

Friend #1: You mean like a support group?

Friend #2: Or a focus group?

Relational Thinking

These three moments weren't special gatherings or programs. Incorporated into pretty ordinary interactions, they were only seeds of potential connection. If they happened to you, you might have done or said the same thing I did without thinking about it again.

But this  year, on the heels of United Synagogue's focus on what Ron Wolfson calls relational Judaism, I am trying to develop a new habit of mindfulness: Relational Thinking.* I have begun my relational thinking habit by trying to notice and remember moments of connection, either in my shul or with people in my community. I gave three examples here; there were surely three hundred more that I don't recall.

Relational thinking requires changing the lenses through which we view our interactions. 

• Instead of counting numbers to measure success, (participation, membership, income, resources), we're on the lookout for signs of wellbeing and connection.
• Instead of setting organizational goals to increase growth or revenue, our vision, mission and priorities reflect shared values and quality of community.
• Instead of the language of transaction, (membership, affiliation, dues), we use language that describes a spectrum of human connection: present-ness, directness, open, continuous, complex, respectful, shared, stable. 

For many congregations, relational thinking is new territory, with no quick measure of success. "Get more people in the door" has always been an easier goal than "help people find something new that they have in common with someone else." 

How can leaders of a kehilla (sacred community) develop a habit of relational thinking?

One place to start might be to notice moments when relationship building is happening and practice changing your language about it. Does your congregation have a Shabbat dinner initiative like Guess Who's Coming to Shabbas? Are you one of the 50 kehillot that sponsor Sulam for Emerging Leaders? How can you describe what's going on that goes beyond participation numbers? Can you tell the stories of what people are learning about each other, how they found commonalities, how they continued to connect? 

Another is to look for the moments when relationship building is possible, or relational potential.

Rabbi Gaber's direction in Moment #1 (above) is an example. At the end of services, we generally rush to get through the weekly announcements, Adon Olam and out the door. In some congregations, the rabbi will encourage people to introduce themselves to the people near them and wish them a Shabbat shalom. Rabbi Gaber added relational potential by asking people to share what they're grateful for. People paused and turned to each other in a new way. Did some people (like me) talk about the weather? Yes. But did others, like the man who spoke to me, open up about their lives? Perhaps, and that is the risk and reward of creating moments with relationship potential.

A third possibility for relational thinking is to slow down and ask a different question before looking for strategies. When my friends and I discussed baby boomer engagement, I chose not to answer the question about programs, and, instead, asked about relationships. This can become an organizational habit. Whenever the question posed in any leadership grouping begins with the phrase, "What (kinds of programs) would interest....?," we would stop and ask, instead, "Where do we notice they are connecting with each other?"

Throughout the winter and spring, United Synagogue will follow-up on Dr. Ron Wolfson's excellent presentation on Relational Judaism at our Centennial Celebration. District conferences, local workshops, webinars and our Large Congregations Conference will feature tools to help us all develop the habit of relational thinking and re-frame our approach towards relationship building. 

  

* The term, "Relational Thinking," is trademarked by Relational Research.